The Comparison Trap – and The Way Out

The Comparison Trap: A Personal Story (with a Side of Eye Roll)

There was a time—okay, more like many times—when I found myself deep in the comparison spiral. Usually triggered by hearing another therapist talk about some incredible breakthrough with a client or reading a post about their newest training or method. And boom—there it was. That familiar little voice (you know, the jerk of the brain) whispering,

“You should be doing more. Are you even effective? Do you even know what you’re doing?”

And let me tell you, while I was in my head, second-guessing myself and reanalyzing every session, they were out there not giving me a second thought—living their best life, posting their wins, and probably sleeping just fine at night.

That’s what comparison does. It quietly convinces you that someone else’s success means something about your worth. It makes you think you have to perform, prove, or perfect yourself in order to be “enough.” But here’s what I’ve learned: the more energy I gave to that voice, the further I drifted from my own truth.

Over time—through mindfulness, reflection, and honestly just getting tired of my own inner drama—I realized I didn’t need to be like anyone else to be good at what I do. I just needed to be me. Present. Authentic. Real. And guess what? That version of me?

She’s actually a damn great therapist!

Why We Compare: The Neuroscience of Self-Doubt

Comparison isn’t just insecurity—it’s programming. From an evolutionary standpoint, comparing ourselves helped us stay alive. It showed us where we stood in the group and helped us adapt. Your brain is constantly scanning for where you fit in—even if that “danger” now looks like a stranger’s perfect morning routine on Instagram.

The problem? We’re comparing ourselves to hundreds of curated, filtered, performative lives. And the brain doesn’t know the difference between a real threat and a perceived one—it just reacts.

Quick side note—if you ever want to see how fast comparison kicks in, just check your phone first thing in the morning. That one innocent scroll can send you straight into “Why does their life look so perfect?” mode before your feet have even hit the floor. Your brain doesn’t even get a chance to be you before it starts measuring you against everyone else.

One of the most powerful shifts? Give yourself one hour in the morning without social media. It’s a small but potent boundary. It gives your mind space to tune into your life before being bombarded by someone else’s.

From Comparison to Conscious Awareness (with a Side of Real Talk)

Mindfulness doesn’t magically erase comparison—it’s not like you sit in meditation for five minutes and suddenly never care what anyone else is doing. (If only.) But it does give you something way more powerful: awareness.

You see someone doing big things, and your brain chimes in with, “Wow, they’re ahead. What are you even doing with your life?”

Here comes the jerk of the brain—predictable and loud.

But mindfulness steps in and goes,

“Hey… do we actually want to spiral about this today?”

Instead of reacting, you pause. You breathe. You recognize that comparison isn’t proof that something’s wrong—it might just be pointing you toward something you care about.

Mindfulness helps you ask,

“Is this making me feel small, or is it reminding me of something I want to pursue for myself?”

It gives you back your power—not by silencing the noise, but by changing how you listen to it.

Seeing Comparison Through a Different Lens

Let’s be honest—comparison gets a bad rap, and for good reason. It can make us feel small, behind, or like we’re not doing enough. But here’s the thing most people don’t talk about: not all comparison is bad.

Sometimes it’s not your inner critic coming for you—it’s your inner compass trying to speak up.

Imagine you’re scrolling and see someone on a dream vacation. First reaction?

“Must be nice. I haven’t had time off in forever.”

But take a beat. Is that jealousy… or is it a signal that you’re craving rest? That your nervous system is waving a little flag, saying, “Hey, can we slow down too?”

Or maybe you hear about a colleague who just launched something new. You feel that twinge—maybe even a little pang of insecurity. But beneath that, there’s a voice whispering,

“I want to create something too. I’ve had this idea on my heart, and I’ve been sitting on it.”

That’s not comparison trying to drag you down—that’s clarity trying to rise up.

Try asking yourself:

• “Is this comparison pointing to something I truly want?”
•  “Is there a part of me that’s waking up here?”

The goal isn’t to become someone else—it’s to tune in to what’s calling you. Mindfulness helps you slow down enough to catch those moments and say,

“Wait… this isn’t about them. This is about me.”

That’s when comparison becomes insight. That’s when it becomes a nudge toward growth.

Mindfulness Tools for When Comparison Creeps In

Here are a few simple ways to interrupt the spiral and come back to yourself:

Breathe Before You Spiral

Three deep breaths. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Let your nervous system catch up before your brain convinces you you’re failing at life.

Notice + Name

“My brain is comparing right now. That’s okay.” That pause alone shifts you from reaction to awareness.

Ask: What Do I Actually Need?

“Am I tired? Burned out? Needing inspiration?” Comparison is often a signal—not of failure—but of desire.

Come Back to Your Lane 

Write down what actually matters to you. Not what looks good online. Not what someone else is doing. You.

“Is this my dream—or someone else’s performance?”

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Behind—You’re Just Distracted

Comparison is human. But it doesn’t have to run your life. Every time you notice it, you have a chance to come back—with presence and compassion.

You’re not behind. You’re not failing. You’re not less than. You’re a whole human doing your best. That’s more than enough.

So the next time comparison shows up with its tired playlist, try this:

Pause. Breathe. Ask, “What do I want to believe about myself right now?”

Let them live their best life. Let them post about it. You get to live yours—on purpose, with presence, and in your own damn lane.

Want to Go Deeper?

If this post resonated with you and you’re craving more support in quieting your mind, reconnecting to yourself, and managing chronic stress and anxiety through mindfulness—good news.

My NEW course, Mindful Meditation for Chronic Stress and Anxiety, is launching soon. It’s designed to help you go beyond quick fixes and build a sustainable practice that supports your nervous system and your day-to-day life.

Because you don’t just need more tools—you need space to breathe, reconnect, and feel like yourself again.

Click here 👉🏽  https://subscribepage.io/WAITLIST

I’d love for you to join me.